This week, Sam and I were asked to give the obligatory, "You've moved into the ward so we want you to speak" talks in church. I was fairly calm and composed (minus my overwhelming urge to vomit) until we got to church and I realized there was only one other speaker besides us.
He was a youth speaker, and he breezed through his talk in three minutes. That left 40 minutes of time for Sam and I to fill. Let me repeat that for dramatic emphasis. 40 minutes.
"No problem," I thought. "I'll just wing an extra-long introduction about our family."
Not so much a good idea, as it turns out. I completely lost my train of thought, forgot what I was going to say, got really really flustered and could not stop the flow of brain rot from seeping out of my mouth.
Among with other nonsensical comments, I also combined the chronology of our wedding with Riley's birth and said that Sam and I had been married for 2-years-old. Then, I tried to hastily amend my comment by stammering, "Oh, I'm sorry, we've been married for two years [So NOT true...four years is the right number] and Riley turned two in July." This will, no doubt, lead oh-so-many people to draw some rather interesting conclusions.
It was a few minutes later, when I was well into my talk on agency, that I realized what I had said. By that point though, I thought it might be a little awkward to suddenly blurt out, "Oh, by the way, I know I said before that Sam and I have been married for two years, but we've really been married for four years. Just thought you might like to know."
Yeesh.
Don't worry though. I've drawn comfort from a couple of conclusions.
1. Maybe no one was listening. After all, it was Church. I mean, who listens in church anyway?
2. The sheer brilliance of the rest of my talk overshadowed the initial 45 seconds of introductory brain rot (Wishful thinking, I know.)
3. I can always clarify things next Fast and Testimony meeting. I'll simply stand up and say "Just wanted all of you to know that I got married in 2003. Thank you." Then I'll sit down.
What's that? You don't think it will work? Well I do. I've heard weirder testimonies than that before.
Anyone else out there have any embarrasing talk moments they want to share to ease my mortification?
NYC trip 2025
7 hours ago
6 comments:
Yikes! I know I shouldn't say this but I HATE talking in church. I have major panic attacks. I've had a couple bads ones but I'll jut tell ya about the time I was saying the prayer at my brothers farewell and I said "we're thankful for our friends and framily"... yes framily. But don't worry my "framily" hasn't let me forget about it and they still bring it up whenever I say the prayer.
That is hilarious!
I don't think I can top or even match it, but the first time I gave a talk (I was 12) I set my scriptures under the pulpit and then the Bishop proceeded to lower it down for my height. All sounds good and all is going well BUT then I go to quote a scripture and I try to pull them out, they won't move. I guess when they lowered the podium it lowered onto my scriptures and they moved it down so low that they were wedged in there. Instead of doing the obvious thing and raising the podium the bishop and his 2 counselors, yes ALL 3 of them, stood and yanked on my scriptures until they came out giving the audience a good laugh and a hugely embarrassing moment for me.
like i have said to you a million time...EVERY TIME, no matter what, I get up and bawl my eyes out. don't know why. tears come and they don't stop so then i begin to blubber and make no sense.
1. I was listening.
2. Your talk WAS brilliant.
3. PLEASE do that. It would be so funny.
I know I've made a total arse of myself in church on multiple occasions but naturally I can't think of anything specific to make you feel better.
I also decided that technically you could have been married for like 2 years and 11 months and have a kid who's barely or almost 2 and you'd be good, right?
So maybe people will assume that you waited until you were married (for like 10 minutes) to conceive Riley.
What do you think?
Good call on the two years 11 months attempt to comfort me. I feel slightly better.
Jen, love the podium story. Tee hee. I can totally picture it and I am laughing out loud. Although that wasn't technically your fault, so that lowers the embarrassment level a bit.
Lacey, you are hilarious!
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