Now that Riley's English is intelligible to most discerning humans, we've been in for some awkward moments lately. I guess that all comes with the territory of having a kid with a mouth though, doesn't it?
I, for one, vividly remember telling my entire third grade class during show and tell that my family was traveling to Colorado for Christmas to spend the week in a condom. Condo, condom; one tiny letter, so much difference.
Riley's social faux pas are only worsened by the fact that he never says anything within the normal human decibel range. Pretty much everything is uttered ten times louder than it needs to be, unless of course on the rare occasion that all of the pre-existing loudness has forced him into a hoarse whisper.
Anyway, here are some fun situations we've dealt with lately.
Scenario #1: In church, listening to a great talk from a man who was, shall we say, folically challenged.
Riley: MOMMY WHAT HAPPENED TO DAT MANS HAIR????
Me: Sssshhhhhhhhh.
I might have just imagined it, but I'm pretty sure the speaker paused at this point and totally lost his train of thought because he heard us.
Riley: BUT MOMMY, WHY IS DAT MAN"S HAIR ALL GONE?
Scenario #2: At Sea World, passing by a boy who had an obvious birth mark.
Riley: MOMMY, WHATSA MATTER WITH DAT BOY'S FACE?
Scenario #3: At our neighbor's house for dinner. These are the same neighbors who have a small house and three big indoor dogs.
Riley: MOMMY, DADDY, WHATS DAT SMELL.
SAM: It's a candle bub. A cinnamon candle. It smells yummy.
Riley: Sniffs loudly. NO, NOT A CANDLE. SMELLS YUCKY, LIKE DIRTY PUPPIES.
Sam and I coped by abruptly changing the subject and hoping our neighbors who were sitting five feet away from us somehow did not hear that remark.
And this is why my head hurts.
NYC trip 2025
7 hours ago
11 comments:
man you kill me. or riley does..
i'm looking forward to that..
Too cute - out of the mouths of babes! When I was in kindergarten my teacher asked me what surgery my dad had just undergone - I told her he had his insurance taken out! Appendix -Insurance - now that I'm older- I'm pretty sure they BOTH were taken out!
Very cute blog!
Had his insurance taken out....Haha. I love it.
Too funny! We just got back from a Woodland family reunion. 4 days with Jon's nieces and nephews (and great n&ns). I was nearly rolling on the floor several times over various things they said while the parents were trying to shush them. I kept getting looks that said, "Laugh it up Tamaran...your turn is coming."
Kids are so honest!
I love reading your blog! It's too funny! Riley's so cute! Yesterday Karter and I looked at some pics of when he was a baby and he asked, "Is that when we lived in a 'compartment'?" (It was pretty small!)
hahahha! that is soo funny! I have some good stories to tell you about tyler when he was little and my nephew!
Okay, well, I totally dig Riley's bold comments. I hope my babies are every bit as brutal, because (a) it's hilarious and (b) people will be told all the things I want to tell them, without me having to be the jerk.
As a child, I frequently accused chubby people of being pregnant. Perhaps you should bring Riles to my house so that what went around can come around.
I always love a good laugh. It will certainly keep you on your toes as I imagine he will repeat anything that you might have said or might not have said. He is fun that is for sure.
I didn't get the condo/condom thing until I was much older. . . maybe even to our Union High days. So embarassing. That's what we get for growing up in the Uintah Basin.
That's awesome. Thanks for sharing!
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